So very tired

I don’t know why, but I’ve been so physically drained this past week or two… just constantly exhausted and completely out of it by like 5pm.

I mean, I’ve felt fine at work and even when I’m out for whatever reason after work, for the most part. But once I get home and actually sit down I just get so tired… like all energy is sucked out. I suppose its just a constant adrenaline flow all day and once I’m home it drops off.

It doesn’t feel like I’m doing that much. I’ve cut my work-flow down to such a low level from what I used to do. I take breaks. I take nights off. I relax. I try to take time for fun. It’s just that I’m tired.

But, when I really step back and look at it, I guess I do have a lot going on. There is a ton on my mind lately – of a variety of categories. There are many projects I want to do and many other projects that I have to get done. There’s the everyday or every-week responsibilities I have, though many of these things bring me joy and make me feel alive. And then there’s also frustration with work. I mean, it’s a good job, but I feel so underutilized there. What I do involves no creativity or ingenuity. No thinking whatsoever. It’s all repetitious action and it drives me mad. I need to create. I need to make. I need to innovate.  I need to get my own thing started up, but there’s so little time  to accomplish it and my brother is also incredibly busy with his life so it’s hard for him to jump start this thing at the same time.  Plus there’s the lack of money.  I refuse to seek out some venture capitalist for help.  This needs to be something completely from us.  But there’s so much we need to get our foundation laid.  All this frustration, I believe, adds to this exhaustion and tension.

I think a lot of it is also just a lack of sleep. Maybe. I don’t know. I think I’m going to go to bed earlier tonight and see what happens. And by earlier I mean before 12:30am. I guess that doesn’t really count, but it’s a start.

I’m rambling at this point. I’m going to go to bed.

Goodnight, all. Peace be with you.

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